Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The air taste purple.
Randomize
