TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
