you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
