oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
