She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
