she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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