how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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