called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
