I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
