Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
