just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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