Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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