I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
