why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
