I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
PANTIES FOUND
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
