stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
