Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
