can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
