Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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