I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
