The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
