I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
