I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
