Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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