p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
