I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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