I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
