I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
