Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
