Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
