Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Holy shit dude........stairs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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