you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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