i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
