I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
operation harelip BJ is a go
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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