I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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