My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
