I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
