I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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