New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
