I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
