ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
