if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
