I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
