Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
