Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
