obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
