I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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