Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
