First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
