Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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